I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
