tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
