I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
