just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
