There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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