Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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