After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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