she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
