you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
