4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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