I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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