The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
