I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
