I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
