Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
