i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
