Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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