last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
