If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
