The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
