I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
