Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
