i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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