I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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