How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
