I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I touched a dick in church today
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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