It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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