OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
