This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
