meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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