Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
