Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
