You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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