I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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