you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
