So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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