you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
