day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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