I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
