No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have fence marks all over my body
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
