hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
