the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
