Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
