I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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