do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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