Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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