they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize