I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize