Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
