I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
