4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
