we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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