Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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