I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want her autograph on my taint
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
