I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
