Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
