nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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