If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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