Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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