"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
