She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
