you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
