Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
