3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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