we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
