The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
