I met the friendliest cop last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sext me about skeletons
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
