That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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