My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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