This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize