i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
