the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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