you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
