I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
