There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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