just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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