No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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