totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
