it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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