Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
