you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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