i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
