apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
